There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
But you shouldn't get a person to do anything he or she doesn't want to do in crude methods. These crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions even though they work.
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
There is one longing want – almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep — which is seldom gratified. It is the desire to be great or the desire to be important.
The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguish differences between mankind and the animals.
This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children.
If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you.
People sometimes became invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.
So, how to gratify people's feeling of importance? Arouse enthusiasm among you. The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. Never criticize anyone. Just give a person incentive to do something. Be anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If you like anything, you are hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
But what do average people do? The exact opposite. If they don't like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates; if the do like it, they say nothing. As the old couplet says: "Once I did bad and that heard ever/Twice I did good, but that I heard never."
We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation欧易交易所 that would sing in their memories for years like the music of morning star.
Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and it usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty, for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms.
In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we us欧易交易所ually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person's good points, we won't have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out the mouth.
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval.
Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed. Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for欧易交易所. Emerson said:"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."
If that was true of Emerson, isn't it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me? Let's cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let's try to figure out the other person's good points. Then forget flatter. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime – repeat them years after you have forgotten them.